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| The only photo of me in Hmong clothes. Maybe I need to dress like this to be considered Asian? |
“Okay, now I’m embarrassed.”
It was a quiet evening in the retail store where I used to
work. A white, male co-worker and I were talking about purchasing clothes. He
recommended to me to buy clothes from the girls section because the sizes are
large enough and the prices are cheaper.
“My girlfriend does that because she’s so short. She’s like
my short little Asian girl.”
Let me just pause here to mention that she is white. I’ve
seen her come into the store before.
I didn’t hesitate to comment on his generalization of Asians
and for referring to his white girlfriend as an Asian girl.
“You know what you just said is kinda offensive?”
“But you’re not Asian.”
WAIT WHAT? What does he think Asian is? What does he consider me to be?
“I am Asian.”
“Okay, now I’m embarrassed.” He walked away and that was the end of it.
The whole situation was extremely awkward for the both of us. He
recognized his mistake (at least I hope) and I was left wondering what he meant by his comment. What does he mean when he says Asian? Am I just American because I live in the U.S.? Why do I care what this guy thinks? This situation made me want to laugh
and maybe throw a chair through a window all at the same time. What the heck just happened?
Some might say I was too quick to call him out to be offensive. First,
let me point out a few things. Comparing his white girlfriend to Asian girls as
if Asian girls were these short, cute little things was ridiculous. He even
tried to justify himself by claiming that it was acceptable for him to say whatever
he liked about Asians because there weren’t any Asians around.
Sure, I may have been a bit harsh on him. He was young, a
17-year-old high school student heading to college. All he did was make an
innocent mistake. He may be too young to know but it doesn't mean he's too young to learn.
I’m not sorry at all for turning a friendly conversation into a conversation
about race. I’m not sorry for making him feel uncomfortable. I just wished he
lingered a little bit longer before he ran back to his own safe space where he
didn’t have to talk to me.
In light of the tension in our nation over the experiences of people of color, I reflected a lot on white privilege. This incident with my
co-worker is only one example of white privilege. For this young man, it was a
privilege to walk away and focus on other things than to talk about race. It is
the same privilege that any person out there has who keeps wondering why we
bring race into everything. The truth is we
don’t. We probably don’t do it enough.
We don’t always talk about race partly because we see the discomfort in people's faces when we bring it up. From my experiences, we learned to be aware of the things we do because someone always felt uncomfortable or had a problem with it. We quiet our
voices, speak English only, avoid eating our smelly food and share less about
ourselves when around our white peers. I am wired to think about how my ethnic background affects the
people around me all the time. To be able to talk freely about race is hard for me. For once, I decided to respond to one of many dumb comments I've heard in my lifetime and I didn't even get the chance.
I never brought up the topic to him again. There was no awkwardness between us even though I still remember almost every
word we spoke. It is a real privilege to receive this kind of grace while our voices continue to be silenced because it is not worth the embarrassment
and guilt to engage in hard conversations.
I continue to remember that conversation so well because white privilege became real
to me that day. Does he also remember or is he unchanged by it?
When did white privilege become real to you?
